Chandler on "the one"

While I am a passionate believer that God is at work in space and time, and that he is sovereign over all things, I have never been particularly convinced by the idea that there’s a “one” for you. I just see no reason to agree with the worldly romantic notion that every person has just one “soul mate” out there waiting for him or her. In fact, I find that idea to be anticovenantal, contrary to grace. It forces prospective spouses into a routine of measuring up, of being investigated or even interrogated rather than considered. It turns the search for a godly spouse into an audition to be the one who “completes” you. Do you see the subtle pride at work there, the arrogance? Instead of appropriately considering the character of a potential spouse, the romantic relationship becomes about scrutinizing every potential spouse to see if he or she is “the one” for you, as if you are the be-all and end-all.

No spouse can complete you. Don’t look for a spouse to do what only Jesus can...

Even if it were true that there is one person out there for you, isn’t it possible that someone messed up the whole relationship order, like, fifty years ago? I mean, if just one person married the wrong spouse back in the day, do the math—the whole system’s broken like a domino effect of incompleteness.

So quit looking for “the one.” You have a better chance of finding an Oompa Loompa riding a unicorn, fighting Bigfoot.

Because God is at work in space and time, because he is sovereign over all things, we don’t get into conflict or difficult times and wonder if we missed out on “the one.” We trust in God and realize that “the one” is the one you’re in covenant with.

The idea of “the one” can undercut the grace God gives for marriage to be a reflection of the gospel because it can cause us to doubt whether this sinner we married is actually that one. We doubt this especially when he or she doesn’t seem to be “completing” us very well, when we don’t feel especially fulfilled in our marriage. When we begin to give in to our own self-interests, when we cave to lustful temptations, or when we just flat out get bored or irritated, our thoughts often turn away from giving grace to our spouse and toward wondering if the reason we’ve got all this trouble is because we didn’t marry the right person.

So that kind of thinking disgraces marriage because marriage is something God does through us. It is why many wedding ceremonies conclude with this warning, straight from the mouth of Jesus: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Of course, these words are often said in a perfunctory way, but they speak to the deep spiritual reality of marriage: it is something God has done. To think of it as anything less is to diminish it.

From 

The Mingling of Souls