Review: The Intimate Mystery

Intimate Mystery by Dan B. Allender
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The two authors are a dynamic duo - Allender provides the engaging narrative while Longman III oversees the content to be shaped by sound theology. The pacing of the book was fantastic, allowing for quick absorption and thoughtful reflection/application (with reference to the reader's own marriage life). The content and illustrations are highly relatable for the married couple, every one of which is bound to have marriage issues/problems.

No excess ink was spilt; the brevity of the material keeps it accessible to novice readers. In reading the opening chapter, I however was worried that this book appeared to deviate from Allender’s and Longman III’s popular-level pitching to the layman (the vocabulary used was more suited to intermediate to advanced readers). Thankfully, the usually easy-to-follow content soon resumed in the subsequent chapters.

It is a pity that the title did not provide a clue on how useful the opening chapters would be for a pre-marriage couple (though the closing chapters on sex are more appropriate after the wedding). How I wished that we had read this book to get some insight on how to deal with the intense stress, anger and quarrels of managing the demands of the in-laws from both sides of the family (who all wanted to insist on this and that for the wedding). And woefully this book sat on my bookshelf until a year and a half after the nightmarish battles; if I could turn back time, I'd have definitely tried to read this title together with my wife-to-be, to provide us with a theological and practical approach to the challenges ahead.

This is an excellent book and I heartily recommend it! I bought a handful of copies to give as wedding gifts to my newly-wedded friends whose weddings I would attend shortly! Perhaps this personal endorsement would make up for my desire not to spoil any of the content in this review!

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Review: The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy J. Keller
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

It's quite comical and yet embarrassing how I discovered that I had read this book twice. I'd be so angry with my wife that I am unable to sleep, and so I see this book lying on my bookshelf and seek to read it to see what does the Kellers have to say to help me cool down. (The first time I got sleepy halfway went to bed straight after reading so I didn't remember much of it).

So this time I'm making sure I penned my brief thoughts down. Having had a keen interest on dating and attracting the opposite gender since my youth, I had read dozens of books on (biblical) manhood, dating (or not dating), courtship and marriage. I rate this title as one of best I have read - Gary Thomas' The Sacred Search, McDowell & Lewis' Givers, takers & other kinds of lovers, and Janssen's Your marriage masterpiece being the others I rate highly.

I was quite skeptical (as I would be about any Tim Keller book or sermon/lecture) - even though I cherish how my mentor journeyed with me through The Prodigal God and thus helped me gain an appreciation of the Gospel, receiving and extending grace - because of the many "fanboys" I know who irritatingly quote Keller a tad too often. So I was surprised to have found the book to be an easy yet enriching read - simple enough for the lay person to understand, yet profound enough for the scholarly types to engage in some theological wrestling.

The Kellers ground the content with a responsible exposition of Scripture, and Tim does what he does best - contexualise the theological truths and providing brilliant illustrations to help the readers better understand them clearly. Sometimes the Kellers provide a personal account of their own marriage on the topic, but always we are presented the opportunity to evaluate how we measure up God's invitation to his design for marriage (or singlehood). I heartily recommend this book - both to the married and unmarried - and regard this as a 6 star title.

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Review: Givers, Takers & Other Kinds of Lovers

Givers, Takers & Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

One would assume that a book so dated would not be relevant to 2015. I was sincerely surprised to find how a book written 35 years would speak to us today? I've read Joshua Harris' best selling I've kissed dating goodbye, but it seemed to speak to a different kind of audience. McDowell and Lewis speak authentically and loving, and the postmodern Christian thinkers of today appreciate that. The how-to books of today, just simply do not cut it.

A pity it has gone out of print, but you still can use bookfinder.com to grab a second hand copy!

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Review: Your Marriage Masterpiece: Transform Your Relationship Through God's Amazing Design

Your Marriage Masterpiece: Transform Your Relationship Through God's Amazing Design by Al Janssen
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I realise that I had subconsciously come to expect poor theology to line the pages of the any popular level book about marriage. I am so very pleased to admit that I could not be more wrong - Janssen has gifted us (both bible scholars and "lay" Christians) a most wonderful gift in this amazing piece of literature! The content was so finely edited that the 250 pages felt like only a hundred as I devoured page after page; the flow of the book's thesis was extremely easy to follow along and I found that Janssen held my interest and attention throughout. I enjoyed the encouraging and the painful accounts of marriages alike that served as vivid illustrations. But what I savoured the most was his remarkable ability to retell bible narratives! Often when we read Scripture, we do not really understand the narrative well because our modern day context is so far removed from the ancient times.

As a seminary student, I recall spending hours if not days trying to retell the parable of the good Samaritan in an updated, modern day context. Even if I did not want to keep the book for its solid theology and marriage applications (I do of course and will discuss that in a while), this book will be a required reading if I were to ever teach a course on hermeneutics (how to interpret Scripture). For this reason, I felt that Chapter 8 titled "The greatest love story of all time" was worth the price of the book; I was so so very delighted when I found that chapter 18 titled "The great adventure" also was an outstanding paraphrase of a biblical narrative. I did not complete buy a couple of Janssen's interpretations, for example that Adam watched passively when Eve was conversing with the serpent or that the Shunammite woman husband was a king... But theologians can have disagreements and yet hold another in high regard...

As I closed the pages of the book, I felt a sense of awe at the magnitude and the impossibility of the task set ahead of me as a husband to be. Yet at the same time I was encouraged and inspired by the worldview changing presentation of Christ's love for his bride (the church), and our ensuing responsibility to live it out through its metaphor - our marriage.

I heartily recommend this book! This is one of the few titles that I regard to be 6 stars, because it is in a class of its own.

I received this book from the Baker Publishing Group's Bethany House Blogger Program for the purposes of providing an unbiased review. All views are my own.

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Thomas on choosing your children's father/mother

This really got me thinking, do I want my kids to be like in future? That made me do some serious reflection on how I am living my life now. Do I want them to inherit my laziness, messiness or procrastination? It is reality hitting me really hard when I realise that I really have to impart character to my children, and I definitely cannot pass on something that I do not have.

In two days I built a shelf to rehouse all the clutter in my room, cleaned the other bookshelves and posted unwanted books for sale on carousell. Now to start wrapping up the other 20 or so brand new books and put them on the to-read shelf. And to build another shelf so as to move all my inventory for my business into my room in a more space efficient manner.



From Pages 126-127 of: The Sacred Search

"If three people applied to babysit my kids, the mere fact that they all wanted a job wouldn’t be what I based my choice on. I’d hire the babysitter who seemed most stable, safe, qualified, and competent. That’s not being selfish or judgmental; it’s being wise, responsible, and protective of my kids.

You get to start protecting your kids before they’re even born. Give them a godly mom or dad. Even better, raise them in a godly family with lots of spiritual support. Most young people completely discount this. I think it should be much more of a factor in your final decision than many people make it.

If the person you love knows you’re a Christian and says he or she’s a Christian too, that means almost nothing. In one sense, it means a lot, in that if they categorically say they’re not a believer, you have no business marrying them. However, I hope you want more than just someone who simply says he or she’s a Christian. Consider marrying a certain kind of Christian, one with a humble spirituality."

Clowney on Paul's Christ-centered marriage advice

Clowney comments on the the oft quoted yet often not very well understood passage from Ephesians. Probably the common interpretation would be that the husband demands that the wife submits to him and because she does not, then he does not have to give up his life for her. And the vicious downward spiral ensues.

The simplicity and profoundness of Clowney's exposition makes me want to study the text more, and perhaps meditate on what other commentators have to share with us...


From pages 99-102 of: How Jesus Transforms The Ten Commandments

Paul starts with the supremacy of Christ, and the reality of his presence in the Spirit. From this, he speaks of Christ and his church, then makes that reality the master model for our roles in the families that are "in the Lord." Does it seem that the role of the husband is exalted too much, that he should be likened to Christ? Ah, but that likeness offers no autocratic rule like that of the kings of the Gentiles. Christ is no dictator, but he is the Head of his body the church—in organic union with her. He is the Savior of the church. He loved the church and gave himself up for her. His purpose is "to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (Eph. 5:26-27).

Marriage counselors ... prefer to start with specific sources of irritation mentioned by a typical couple. Why did the new husband get so upset to see his wife looking through his wallet? Why does she find total lack of sensitivity in a husband who bangs out his toothbrush without rinsing the basin?

To be sure, men—and women, too—have seized on the idea of submission with no understanding of the transformation brought through Jesus. They miss the sun in the solar system of Paul's commandments. Submission is a meaningless concept in a Christian marriage if the one to whom we are all submitting is left out of the picture. The center is our being "in Christ." Paul's words could not be clearer. "In the Lord" determines everything. Making the husband the head of the house will not yield a Christian marriage or a Christian home. Some poor wives are painfully aware of this, as they try to live peaceably with husbands who take Paul's words, distort them, and impose their own selfish demands on their wives in the guise of Christian submission. Likewise, women can misuse their expectations of husbands by refusing obedience to them until they have "shaped up" and are looking like Paul's ideal model of selflessness. Such women forget that their submission is not ultimately to their husbands, but to Christ, who strengthens them and enables them to submit to a sinner in honor of Christ.

Are Paul's words too theological to be of practical help? Paul certainly knew and understood the teaching of the wisdom books of the Old Testament, which are full of practical applications of godly wisdom. He taught that wisdom, while coming from the Spirit, must be tested and sharpened in experience. But Paul understood why our being joined to Christ through the Spirit is the secret of Christ's union with his body the church. "This is a profound mystery," he says, "but I am talking about Christ and the church" (Eph. 5:32). Paul seems to realize that one might take his words off into a realm of bodiless theology and speculation. Immediately after recognizing the mystery of which he writes, he brings his readers back down to earth with a thump. "However," he adds, as a final word on the issue of marriage, "each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Eph. 5:33). There is no room here for someone who wants to spiritualize away the responsibilities incumbent on husbands or wives.

The husband who imitates the Lord by giving his life for his wife; who has before him Christ's perfecting of the church as his holy bride; who claims her not as his possession, but as belonging to the Lord—that husband will show his wife something of the love of Christ, who calls them to be one flesh. They will together show the world something of the family of God. And the wife who gladly follows her husband; who seeks only his honor and his good; who seeks to bring all things under the headship of Christ by bringing the elements of her own world under the headship of her husband; who longs to accomplish the desires of her husband's heart and to apply those desires to all areas of her authority—that wife will show something of the full submission with which the Son honored his Father.

Such a couple will indeed experience no sense of loss, but the gain of glory. For the wife is the glory of the husband as she submits to him, and the man is glorified and lifted up by the wife who honors him. Both are glorified by the Father and the Son, just as the Son himself is glorified at the last day by theFather to whom he has submitted. Such Christian submission may seem humiliating. But it is the way of Christ, the way of the cross, and the only way to true glory and satisfaction.

Thomas on the life-giving love in a marriage

In the context of a marriage, Gary Thomas comments on Matt. 6:33 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

The first paragraph sounds like a fulfilling marriage to me! Bet it is going to be built upon super alot of hard work of dying to self and giving of Christ-like love to one another. Too bad it doesnt just happen magically... 

How can we as sinful, selfish people do as such? Only when in surrender to the moulding of our hearts and wills by you Holy Spirit. We confess we are so prone to sinning again you and one another Lord, help us, if we so choose to be married, to do so with a kingdom framework - that we would seek to put our spouse as more important than ourselves, that a giving of ourselves would be the hallmark of our married lives. Give us a greater glimpse and understanding of how you love your church so that we can do likewise! Amen.

From page 17-18 of The Sacred Search:

When husband and wife are committed in Christ, growing together in the Lord, supporting each other in their spiritual walks, raising children in the fear of the Lord, loving each other out of reverence for God, joy abounds and miracles happen. Selfish people become servants. Self-centered children grow up to become workers in God’s kingdom. Strangers become intimate friends. Daily life is filled with the drama of kingdom building. There are plenty of mistakes, lots of repenting, times of frustration, sickness, and even doubts. But in the end, God’s presence prevails, people are transformed, kingdom work is accomplished, and trials are overcome. If two people join themselves around this mission—if they make their marital choice based on the best person with whom they can accomplish this mission—they are far more likely to have a fulfilling and soul-building marriage.

On the other hand, I’ve witnessed how miserable people can make each other when they live for themselves. Though their initial sexual attraction might have been off the charts, it is usually only a matter of months until they are saying and doing awful, awful things to each other, so awful that they will call a pastor on the phone, someone they don’t even know, because they are so desperate to find another way to live. There was a time when they couldn’t live without each other; every second, they had to be together. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Now they can’t bear to live together. When they’re in the same room, or in the same car, or on the same telephone call, they can’t stop fighting.

It’s made me realize that the old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell. 

Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.

Clowney on marriage as a reflection of covenant

I guess I have been guilty in letting the Hollywood portrayal of marriage shape my worldview more than the Bible's. We think of the romantic times spent together, of the lovely adventures and of the beautiful places in the world to travel to together etc, of the amazing material things we can purchase and the wonderful home we can build up together. Well all of these things are not bad in themselves, but they do not encapsulate the rich theological metaphor of marriage!

When we reflect on how God used marriage as a reflection of his covenantal love for his people (both ancient Israel and us today), how would that change the way we look at marriage? Do we bail out when things go sour? How often would we insist on having our own way? What then can do to honour our spouse given the beautiful metaphor that God has modelled for us?



From pages 93-5 of: How Jesus Transforms The Ten Commandments

The prophet Ezekiel uses the figure of marriage to describe God's covenant relation to Israel. He speaks of marriage in its legal force as a figure for God's covenant made at Sinai. Yet it is not left as one contract among others. No, the Lord holds his people with jealous love. He cannot permit other gods to share his claim of love. The worship of other gods is the greatest offence against the Lord, whom the people of Israel must love with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

The prophets describe the love of God for his people as the love of a father leading his son Israel through the desert. "When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son . . . It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them" (Hos. 11:1, 3). More often, the prophets speak of God as a loving husband. The time when God led Israel through the wilderness was a tryst with them. The Lord was wooing his people and leading them home to the house where he would dwell with them. When Israel turned aside in spiritual adultery, the Lord cried, "How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? . . . My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused" (Hos. 11:8).

The Lord, the Creator, uses the image of a husband's love to show the love he has for Israel:

For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer... The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. (Isa. 54:5-7)

The Lord gives his people tender names of love, the way a husband would proudly claim and perhaps even tease his wife, loving her for just the person she is. "You will be called Hephzibah [my delight is in her], and your land Beulah [married]; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married . . . As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you" (Isa. 62:4b-5).

Ezekiel 16 compares the Lord's love to that of a young man who discovers an abandoned baby girl, kicking in her blood by the side of the road. He finds the girl, washes and clothes her, and provides for her as she grows into a beautiful young woman. He then marries her, spreading his robe over her in protection and claiming her as his beloved bride. God says that he has taken to himself his bride, his people Israel. But the bride, wedded to the Lord in his covenant, becomes a prostitute, and offers up the children of the Lord to heathen gods. The Lord will judge her, but at last restore her and establish his covenant with her.

There will come a great and final day when the covenant is fulfilled, not by the faithfulness of the bride, but by the steadfast love of the Bridegroom. That day will bring the sealing of the love of the Lord for his people. " 'In that day,' declares the LORD, 'you will call me "my husband"; you will no longer call me my master" [Baal]' " (Hos. 2:16). In that day, the Daughter of Zion will sing, for "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zeph. 3:17). The prophet speaks of the Lord's deepest love, to be revealed with the coming of the Lord. Then at last, the Lord, the Bridegroom, will come to claim his own.

What determines our self-worth?

Steve Harvey TV | Facebook

Interesting insights even though i may not necessarily agree with everything he says...

Is a man humble enough and secure enough to know that his self worth and that his gf's/wife's respect is NOT dependent on his paycheck or societal status? Do we know and behave like we are valued because God sees us based not on anything we have done, but because of what Jesus has done? Is our identity found in Christ? Or is it found in something temporal?

DeYoung on "the perfect one"

"As a general rule, Christians are waiting too logn to get married" and "there is an overabundance of Christian singles who want to be married... it's a problem [he] puts squarely at the feet of young men whose immaturity, passivity, and indecision are pushing their hormones to the limits of self-control, delaying the growing-up process, and forcing countless numbers of young women to spends lots of time and money pursuing a career (which is not necessarily wrong) when they would rather be getting married and having children. Men, if you want to be married, find a godly gal, treat her right, talk to her parents, pop the question, tie the knot, and start making babies."

From Page 106 of:

Just Do Something

Amen to that pastor! Not to mention that guys are in short supply in Singapore churches and that some girls are waiting for "the perfect one"...

Thomas on loving one's wife

A man might be able to preach a sterling sermon, write inspiring books, and quote the Bible front to back. But if he hasn’t learned how to be a servant to his wife, to respect her, and to be considerate of her, then his spirituality is still infantile. His prayer life—the lifeblood of his soul—will be a sham.

From
Sacred Marriage

Reading the husband like a book!

A beautiful anecdote from:
Sacred Marriage

The wife of a couple we know decided to get her husband some golf clubs for his birthday. She went to a store and told the owner, “Here’s the money for a set of clubs. My husband and I will come in here tomorrow night. He’ll look over these clubs, then walk over to talk to me about it, then go back to the clubs and touch the ones he decides are the best option. At that point, I want you to walk up to him and say, ‘Your wife already paid for these yesterday. Happy Birthday.’”

The clerk was surprised and a little suspicious, but he agreed to the plan.

The next day, our friend took her husband to a restaurant next door to the golf shop. After dinner, the husband (as predicted) pointed to the shop and said, “You mind if we just stop in there?”

“Not at all,” the wife said.

The husband walked through the shop and settled on two sets of clubs. He then walked back to his wife and conferred with her about them, then returned to the clubs and touched the set he thought would be best. The owner came up and went through his spiel.

Chandler on spouse shaming

Never seek to shame your spouse in public (or in private for that matter).

This sin is as huge as it is common. Have you ever been at a table when this happened? Doesn’t it create a stifling spirit of awkwardness? Never publicly embarrass your mate. It’s obviously a handy way to humiliate her, to “put her in her place,” but it’s so damaging to the soul. The humiliation and the shame don’t dissipate easily, if ever. Public shaming also wins you no allies; most people in these settings tend to immediately sympathize with the humiliated person. So if you want to kill the mood of a social engagement, shame your spouse, and lose friends, go right ahead and embarrass your spouse. But if you want to do the right thing, hold your tongue. The desire to criticize and knock your spouse down to size in the presence of others comes from hell.

From

The Mingling of Souls

Biblical narratives and types of marriage

I did some very quick research of the types of marriages that are mentioned in the bible:
- Arranged marriage or betrothal (Ishmael in Gen. 21:21; Moses and Zipporah in Exod. 2:21; David and Michal in 1 Sam. 18:20-22; Joseph and Mary in Matt 1:18–19)
- Levirate (Deut. 25:5-10; Boaz and Ruth in Ruth 4:10; Tamar and Er and then Omar in Gen. 38:8-10; cf. Matt 22:23–33; par. Mark 12:18–27; par. Luke 20:27–40)
- Endogamous (Gen. 20:12; 24:1-9; 27:46-28:5; Num. 36:1-13; cf. Neh. 10:30; 13:3, 23–30; cf. Ezra 9:1–10:44)
- Exogamous (There are too many to cite; to list a few - Gen. 38:1-2; Judg. 14:2)
- War Prize (Deut. 21:10-13; Josh. 15:16; 1 Sam. 18:17)
- Political/Royal (David to Maacah of Geshur in 2 Sam 3:3; Solomon to Pharaoh’s daughter in 1 Kgs 9:16; Ahab to Jezebel of Phoenicia in 1 Kgs 16:31; Jehoram of Judah to Athaliah of Israel in 2 Kgs 8:26)
- Divinely-initiated prophetic sign (Hosea's marrying of Gomer to signify Israel's faithfulness Yahweh in Hosea 1:1-3)
- Ancient equivalent of the Reality TV Show The Bachelor (Esther 2:1-20)
- Metaphor (of the relationship of Christ and his Church in Eph 5:32)

Note: There may be overlaps at times, like the Gen. 24 and 28 account (arranged & endogamous). I intentionally left out Cocubinage and Polygamy as they are form a different category of marriage (number of wives as compared to how the husband and wife are married).

And dont worry, it doesnt mean that just because the bible mentions provides a type of marriage in a narrative, means that it is condoned or that we should follow likewise today.

If I could use Cocubinage and Polygamy as examples that are often interpreted wrongly... Timothy Keller would say that those who says that the bible affirm polygamy do not know how to interpret narratives.

My positive contribution would be that Solomon's numerous wives and concubines turned his heart away from Yahweh, and we can see what a terrible time Abraham, Issac and Jacob had trying to keep the peace between their multiple wives.

Worthington Jr. on the facade of problem-free Christianity

"A church that conveys a message that Christians are always happy and trouble-free will have little success in helping people deal with problems that inevitably arise during marriage."

From Page 113 of

Counseling Before Marriage

Personal reflection on the Singapore Church Community

If you are easily offended, please dont read this post. As I reflected on excerpts from two books, it made me think of how the modern Singaporean Church community ticks.

Source 1 - Page 11 of
Joining Children on the Spiritual Journey

"Sarah's parents and grandparents stood before the pastor, and the whole congregation stood behind them, pledging our support to this young family. The pastor held Sarah in his arms as he prayed, "may Sarah Jane become a woman of God." My heart responded, "yes, Lord." Later I wondered how that would happen. How could we as members of Sarah's church contribute to the answering of that prayer? What did Sarah need from us? What did her parents need? How could we know?"

Source 2 -
The Mingling of Souls

"In courtship, a couple are moving more and more toward entering the covenant of marriage, even if they are not engaged yet. In any event, the idea of marriage becomes a growing reality ahead of them, and because biblically speaking, marriage is a covenant between two people in the grace of God in Christ, it necessarily has the communal context of church and family.

The reason Christians get married “before the church” is not to give a religious appearance to the ceremony but because Christians hold the marriage covenant in the context of the community of the body of Christ."

So here goes.

Do we actually dedicate babies/children and attend weddings just for sake of doing them, or do we really understand the deep significance behind these actions? Do we utter prayers to God with no intention of being the agent to bless, and just cross our fingers, hoping that miraculous the child would become a God-fearing adult, and that the couple would grow old as well-respected elders in the church? What we have become when the young generation not only does not receive discipleship from those older, but have begun to hand over ministerial responsibilities as they look forward to being "normal members?"

Furthermore, to the millennial generation, the spirit of community collectivism of the boomers if but a concept we read in textbooks. We individualists are now forced to cut their teeth largely on their own, clocking in more time earning money to pay off that HDB Flat (or Condo/car/other material goods) than time spent in interacting with a biblical community. Twenty or thirty years spent labouring to get out of debt, raising money for an inheritance that would eventually be passed onto our children or loved ones. After the housing loan had been paid off, perhaps it would be time to look forward to retirement and extensive holiday making.

So far have we deviated from the early church community of Acts 2:42-47, where the believers converted excess wealth to share the proceeds with those who were in need. (The lazy would be dealt with by the church according to Paul's instruction in 2 Thess. 3:10 and by God himself, cf. the Parable of the Talents in Matt. 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28).

I wonder what it was like for our parents' and grandparents, to grow up in a "Kampung" community... They slogged as hard as, if not harder than any young professional today, just so that we the younger generation got to enjoy a better life than than they did.

I left just before the end of the Global Day of Prayer, and as I was outside the Sports Hub, the national anthem started to play. I stood at attention, and then a couple of older men followed suit. Tears began to well up in my eyes, because so many others simply did not bother to stop for that two or three minutes.

What will it take for us to experience a grateful and sacrificial tightly knit community? Perhaps only when there comes a day we have to stand at attention, to the tune of another country's anthem. Until then the ruling party would continually be forced to continually dig into the national reserves, so well stewarded by our forefathers, and implement more populist policies. Until then, the natural reaction to such a reflection like mine would be, "you talk so much nonsense Shaun, are you going to pay for my children's tuition fees?"

Chandler on "the one"

While I am a passionate believer that God is at work in space and time, and that he is sovereign over all things, I have never been particularly convinced by the idea that there’s a “one” for you. I just see no reason to agree with the worldly romantic notion that every person has just one “soul mate” out there waiting for him or her. In fact, I find that idea to be anticovenantal, contrary to grace. It forces prospective spouses into a routine of measuring up, of being investigated or even interrogated rather than considered. It turns the search for a godly spouse into an audition to be the one who “completes” you. Do you see the subtle pride at work there, the arrogance? Instead of appropriately considering the character of a potential spouse, the romantic relationship becomes about scrutinizing every potential spouse to see if he or she is “the one” for you, as if you are the be-all and end-all.

No spouse can complete you. Don’t look for a spouse to do what only Jesus can...

Even if it were true that there is one person out there for you, isn’t it possible that someone messed up the whole relationship order, like, fifty years ago? I mean, if just one person married the wrong spouse back in the day, do the math—the whole system’s broken like a domino effect of incompleteness.

So quit looking for “the one.” You have a better chance of finding an Oompa Loompa riding a unicorn, fighting Bigfoot.

Because God is at work in space and time, because he is sovereign over all things, we don’t get into conflict or difficult times and wonder if we missed out on “the one.” We trust in God and realize that “the one” is the one you’re in covenant with.

The idea of “the one” can undercut the grace God gives for marriage to be a reflection of the gospel because it can cause us to doubt whether this sinner we married is actually that one. We doubt this especially when he or she doesn’t seem to be “completing” us very well, when we don’t feel especially fulfilled in our marriage. When we begin to give in to our own self-interests, when we cave to lustful temptations, or when we just flat out get bored or irritated, our thoughts often turn away from giving grace to our spouse and toward wondering if the reason we’ve got all this trouble is because we didn’t marry the right person.

So that kind of thinking disgraces marriage because marriage is something God does through us. It is why many wedding ceremonies conclude with this warning, straight from the mouth of Jesus: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Of course, these words are often said in a perfunctory way, but they speak to the deep spiritual reality of marriage: it is something God has done. To think of it as anything less is to diminish it.

From 

The Mingling of Souls

Review: Counseling Before Marriage

Counseling Before Marriage by Everett L. Worthington Jr.
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I thoroughly enjoyed this journal. Recognising my own biases as a postmodern thinker, I have had my prejudices and apprehension about pre-marriage/pre-courtship counselling reduced significantly. My strong worldview would not have budged if the author had made ungrounded assertions.

As a seminary student preparing for marriage, it has brought up extremely useful bible-based insight as to what is to come in the days ahead. All these mixed with an enjoyable dose of what Christian psychologists have gleaned from their field and years of study/practice.

I strongly recommend this title. You'd probably have to grab a second hand copy as a brand new one is going to be really expensive!

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