Thomas on the life-giving love in a marriage

In the context of a marriage, Gary Thomas comments on Matt. 6:33 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

The first paragraph sounds like a fulfilling marriage to me! Bet it is going to be built upon super alot of hard work of dying to self and giving of Christ-like love to one another. Too bad it doesnt just happen magically... 

How can we as sinful, selfish people do as such? Only when in surrender to the moulding of our hearts and wills by you Holy Spirit. We confess we are so prone to sinning again you and one another Lord, help us, if we so choose to be married, to do so with a kingdom framework - that we would seek to put our spouse as more important than ourselves, that a giving of ourselves would be the hallmark of our married lives. Give us a greater glimpse and understanding of how you love your church so that we can do likewise! Amen.

From page 17-18 of The Sacred Search:

When husband and wife are committed in Christ, growing together in the Lord, supporting each other in their spiritual walks, raising children in the fear of the Lord, loving each other out of reverence for God, joy abounds and miracles happen. Selfish people become servants. Self-centered children grow up to become workers in God’s kingdom. Strangers become intimate friends. Daily life is filled with the drama of kingdom building. There are plenty of mistakes, lots of repenting, times of frustration, sickness, and even doubts. But in the end, God’s presence prevails, people are transformed, kingdom work is accomplished, and trials are overcome. If two people join themselves around this mission—if they make their marital choice based on the best person with whom they can accomplish this mission—they are far more likely to have a fulfilling and soul-building marriage.

On the other hand, I’ve witnessed how miserable people can make each other when they live for themselves. Though their initial sexual attraction might have been off the charts, it is usually only a matter of months until they are saying and doing awful, awful things to each other, so awful that they will call a pastor on the phone, someone they don’t even know, because they are so desperate to find another way to live. There was a time when they couldn’t live without each other; every second, they had to be together. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Now they can’t bear to live together. When they’re in the same room, or in the same car, or on the same telephone call, they can’t stop fighting.

It’s made me realize that the old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell. 

Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.

Wilkinson on searching for your audience's needs

Here's my attempt to highlight and summarise the ten primary vehicles for searching for your audience’s needs from Pages 312 to 321 of The Seven Laws of the Learner

Overview
A. Direct methods to find the need
1. Direct questions
2. Low-key interviews
3. Anonymous questionnaire
4. Interaction with family members
5. Personal visits to the student's home or work
6. Personal observation

B. Indirect methods to find the need
1. Books.
2. Magazines and newspapers.
3. Research studies and polls.
4. Individuals interacting with the public.


A. Direct methods to find the need
Use those best fitted to your personality, class and circumstances.

1. Direct questions. When the situation is casual and relaxed, ask your need-seeking questions directly. Here are a few ideas.

“Betty, I value your wisdom and insight and wonder if you could help me be a more effective teacher by telling what you think the three biggest problems are that people like you face today."

"John, I'm concerned that our class meet the needs of its members. Could you help me by giving two or three areas in your life that you wish we would address in the future?"

"Mr. Smith, what topics would you like to see taught during next quarter's classes?

Open-ended questions allow the student to be as personal as he wishes. People will respond to a sincerely asked question, especially when the teacher asks for help. Remove the threat and fear factor. Develop the regular habit of asking good questions and you'll be amazed how soon you have the right answers!


2. Low-key interviews. This method is less difficult than the first in that you don't ask questions directly or personally, but instead ask about general class needs:

"Martha, I noticed that our class seems to be feeling pressure lately. What do you think some of the reasons may be?"

"Frank, your kids are really growing up! How old are they now? What are the struggles kids their age seem to be facing these days?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith, did you happen to see the article on the front page of Sunday's paper reporting that Americans have never had more personal debt that today? How do you think debt is creating hardships for families in their midforties?"

Low key interviews can capture significant and practical insights that will give your content timeliness and personal interest.


3. Anonymous questionnaire. This is a most effective vehicle. A questionnaire can be controlled, involves more people that you could personally talk to, and asks questions on a variety of subjects. The key to its effectiveness hinges on three conditions.

First, the audience must know both the purpose and its ultimate use. It is for teacher's eyes only, or will the results be announced and discussed? Be aware that the latter purpose may reduce honesty.

Second, the audience must be convinced of the anonymity of the questionnaire. Any hint that they could be found out will tilt the response.

Third, the questions must be carefully constructed so that the responses present a true picture. The questions are as important as the answer. Frequently I'll distribute blank three-by-five cards with teh following open-ended questions and instruct the class to answer anonymously:

• The biggest problem I struggle with work is...
• Whenever my spouse and I get into arguments, it's usually about...
• My biggest personal disappointment during the past few years was...
• My greatest triumph as a person is...
• When I get angry with God, it's usually because...
• When I get to heaven, my biggest insight about what I should have been doing will be...
• If somebody could give me one good piece of advice about how to raise my kids, it would be about...
• Probably the area of my spiritual life that causes me the most problems is...
• Rate your Christian walk on a scale of 1-10. The one area in my Christian life where I stumble the most is...
• The sin I seem to wrestle with and rarely have the victory over is...
• On a scale of 1-10, how honest were you in answering these questions?

Spend a few hours with those cards-they represent a gold mine of need. Quickly you will be able to identify the top ten needs in areas such as your students' work, family, and spiritual growth... Aim each class at one of the top three felt needs. Never again will you have to wonder if a lesson will hit the mark.

4. Interaction with family members. There are two ways to approach this: (1) comments by the student about his family; and (2) comments by the family about the student.  Vague, general, and open-ended questions about a student's family can reveal volumes to the discerning listener.

5. Personal visits to the student's home or work. The best insights are frequently obtained through a brief, personal visit to a person's home or place of employment. It's the only real way to walk in someone else's shoes. Today's classrooms are so unnatural and structured that students seldom reveal their true selves. We have to look elsewhere for glimpses of reality. Home is where our masks crumble and where needs lie right on the surface. Attitudes, atmosphere, frame of mind, harmony or disharmony, order or disorder, all are apparent to those who care enough to look.

You cant cant meet a need if you don't know what is. If you want to know your students, look behind the doors of their homes and offices.

6. Personal observation. This method focuses upon those clues which are available during all of life.

First, the questions people ask in and after class reflect areas of inner interest and need.

Second, body language speaks so loudly it often can be heard above spoken words. Arms folded, hands over mouth, body slouched, torso leaning aggressively forward-all carry loud messages.

Third, class attendance is probably the most direct indicator of how well you meet the needs of your audience. People's presence or absence clearly denotes what they think of your class. The more helpful the class, the more people will come for help!

Fourth, class discussions reflect needs which require further consideration. Whenever students try to keep the ball rolling on a given subject, you know you've hit oil.

Fifth, after-class activities and conversations mirror the true interests and concerns of your class because they are neither required nor structured.

Those are the major direct methods of find the needs of your students.

B. Indirect methods to find the need

Unlike the direct approach, which puts you face to face with your audience, the indirect approach offers valuable information through other people's research and experience. Although the information will frequently give you solid and dependable insights, it must be evaluated carefully as it does not deal specifically with your class.

Collect information around two basic frameworks: (i) topics that you know most interest your class; and (ii) characteristics of the age group of your class members, noting their problems and trends. There are many available sources for this information, but here are a few of the primary ones:

1. Books. Regularly browsing the shelves in your Christian and secular bookstores gives a snapshot of the bestselling books, and therefore conveys where the current interests and needs lie. Ask the store manager what trends he's seeing and what types of books people in your class' age bracket are purchasing. At the time I was writing this book the top four bestsellers were about money, business, sex, and health. When is the last time you taught on money, business, sex, or health?

2. Magazines and newspapers. Because the magazine industry is so consumer-oriented and must meet the ever-changing interests of the American public, it frequently presents a panorama of the needs of your targeted audiences. Pay close attention to the types of articles they feature as well as the types of books they review and advertise.

Magazines include valuable articles, surveys, and Q&A columns. Remember, people only read what they are interested in. And whether or not you agree with advice columnists, keep a close eye on the subjects they repeat or for which they receive overwhelming responses. They're not the most-read journalists in America by accident.

Want a real eye-opener? Take any well-known magazine and look at the Q&A section. Those are the questions people are really asking. Next Sunday, teach God's answer to those questions. I guarantee you nobody will move.

3. Research studies and polls. George Gallup and George Barna frequently conduct polls to establish the true feelings and positions of the public on myriad subjects.

4. Individuals interacting with the public. Doctors, dentists, barbers and beauticians, counselors, psychologists, guidance counselors, police, teachers, principals, and a host of others have their fingers on the public pulse and can be interviewed about the trends they see. I make it a practice to ask such "pulse people" about the problems they see on the rise.

Clowney on marriage as a reflection of covenant

I guess I have been guilty in letting the Hollywood portrayal of marriage shape my worldview more than the Bible's. We think of the romantic times spent together, of the lovely adventures and of the beautiful places in the world to travel to together etc, of the amazing material things we can purchase and the wonderful home we can build up together. Well all of these things are not bad in themselves, but they do not encapsulate the rich theological metaphor of marriage!

When we reflect on how God used marriage as a reflection of his covenantal love for his people (both ancient Israel and us today), how would that change the way we look at marriage? Do we bail out when things go sour? How often would we insist on having our own way? What then can do to honour our spouse given the beautiful metaphor that God has modelled for us?



From pages 93-5 of: How Jesus Transforms The Ten Commandments

The prophet Ezekiel uses the figure of marriage to describe God's covenant relation to Israel. He speaks of marriage in its legal force as a figure for God's covenant made at Sinai. Yet it is not left as one contract among others. No, the Lord holds his people with jealous love. He cannot permit other gods to share his claim of love. The worship of other gods is the greatest offence against the Lord, whom the people of Israel must love with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

The prophets describe the love of God for his people as the love of a father leading his son Israel through the desert. "When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son . . . It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them" (Hos. 11:1, 3). More often, the prophets speak of God as a loving husband. The time when God led Israel through the wilderness was a tryst with them. The Lord was wooing his people and leading them home to the house where he would dwell with them. When Israel turned aside in spiritual adultery, the Lord cried, "How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? . . . My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused" (Hos. 11:8).

The Lord, the Creator, uses the image of a husband's love to show the love he has for Israel:

For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer... The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. (Isa. 54:5-7)

The Lord gives his people tender names of love, the way a husband would proudly claim and perhaps even tease his wife, loving her for just the person she is. "You will be called Hephzibah [my delight is in her], and your land Beulah [married]; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married . . . As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you" (Isa. 62:4b-5).

Ezekiel 16 compares the Lord's love to that of a young man who discovers an abandoned baby girl, kicking in her blood by the side of the road. He finds the girl, washes and clothes her, and provides for her as she grows into a beautiful young woman. He then marries her, spreading his robe over her in protection and claiming her as his beloved bride. God says that he has taken to himself his bride, his people Israel. But the bride, wedded to the Lord in his covenant, becomes a prostitute, and offers up the children of the Lord to heathen gods. The Lord will judge her, but at last restore her and establish his covenant with her.

There will come a great and final day when the covenant is fulfilled, not by the faithfulness of the bride, but by the steadfast love of the Bridegroom. That day will bring the sealing of the love of the Lord for his people. " 'In that day,' declares the LORD, 'you will call me "my husband"; you will no longer call me my master" [Baal]' " (Hos. 2:16). In that day, the Daughter of Zion will sing, for "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zeph. 3:17). The prophet speaks of the Lord's deepest love, to be revealed with the coming of the Lord. Then at last, the Lord, the Bridegroom, will come to claim his own.

Clowney on how Christ transforms Israel's need for table separation

The term "Christian" is overrated. So many people calls themselves Christians and yet some I feel are some of the most horrible people I have ever come across. I do not know what to make out of that. I have no desire to love these enemies. No way do I regard them to be my "brother!" Perhaps if we are all being persecuted, there would be weeding out of the "nominal" followers. And yet I reflect on this attitude of mine and recognise that my heart desires to disobey a direct command of Scripture.

I thus gain a better appreciation of what it was like for the Jews in the early church to warm up to and come to accept the Gentiles. It really was not an easy thing to do! Perhaps the only manner it could have been done was by the empowering of the Spirit (interacting with their free wills). O Lord, I recognise the hate and disdain in my heart for certain groups of people. I admit that I do not want to love them or show them mercy, but help me confirm my heart to become more like yours. Let the change be less out of fear of judgment day, and more of a willingness to please you and bring joy to your heart. Amen.


From page 87 of: How Jesus Transforms The Ten Commandments

The physical distinctiveness of Israel no longer marks the new Israel. For that reason the kosher diet no longer applies, and the separation of Israel from table fellowship with Gentiles is ended. The mark of the new Israel is love toward God and toward the people we meet—and the people we would rather not meet. This love, as we have seen, is the infinitely deepened love that Jesus showed to his Father and to us. The love of Christ draws and drives us to talk to people, to surprise others by seeing what they need.

Clowney on the true freedom of being enslaved to Christ our Saviour

I relate with the desire to live life "my way." Anybody, especially authority figures who have yet to win my respect, would find that I would do the opposite of whatever they try to force me to do. Because then I felt that I am the master of my own destiny and nobody can make me do what I do not want to do. It almost seemed that rebelling would be the most energising of endavours!

Oh boy, what a journey I have been on since then! While I still do not "show face" to authority figures who try to "pull rank" on me, I guess in many areas (previously zero areas) of my life I am periodically seeking to bring in line with God's will (as best as I can discern it). 

A quote by C S Lewis (from his book The Great Divorce) comes to mind:

There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell, choose it.

I recall how obsessed I was with earning money, because my self-worth and self-identity depended on my grades and bank account. Materialism, alongside laziness, will be a continual temptation, and I have to continually remind myself of what the Jesus has done on the cross for me, and what that demands of me.


From pages 74-75; 98 of: How Jesus Transforms The Ten Commandments

Sinners lambaste God's structures and portray them as restrictive and tyrannical. But the "yoke" that Christ took on himself and the one he asks us to take up is the obedience that brings freedom, peace, joy, and honor...

True freedom is not that shown by the man possessed by a legion of devils in Mark chapter 5. He was free—free of home responsibilities. He did not have to care for a wife or children. He could leave them and do his own thing. He resented the confinement of clothing. He took it all off. He could live where he wanted, so he lived in caves and howled all night. He disliked people. When they came through his haunts, he beat them up. When he was seized and chained, he had the preternatural strength to rip off the bonds and break the chains. Young people who resent the restraints of life at home need to reflect on the total freedom that Satan offers. The freedom of the demoniac was total bondage to a legion of devils. Satan is a destroyer, not a creator...

Apart from Christ, no true freedom exists. Submission to him delivers us from bondage to our pride, our evil desires, and our service to the devil. When we pray, "Deliver us from the Evil One, " we pray for freedom by enslaving ourselves to the will of our Savior, Christ...

To submit for Christ's sake is to submit to Christ where he has placed us. No other is master of our hearts. The submissive Christian is an odd combination. The world does not understand such a position. There is a strange power and independence to a man or woman who is not "for sale." How many times has a boss fired or refused to hire a Christian, when he realized that his heart was not for hire! On the other hand, submission to others for Christ's sake calls for service with dedicated dignity, "like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men" (Eph. 6:6-7). As Christians submit to the obedience to which God calls them, in the place of service where he has put them, they are strengthened by the Spirit to submit. In that strength. they serve with full hearts, and it is the Lord himself who will honor such service.

Longman III and Allender on how life "under the sun" is subjected to frustration

I am once again reminded of how futile life is if we only focus on life on this earth. I remember reading a recent trending post of advise that was supposedly given Steve Jobs - the gist is in the face of impending death, he would not be able to take the wealth he had accumulated, and that what he would bring along would probably be the memories of the good relationships he had had. He called the readers to invest more time and energy into meaningful friendships/relationships.

Do we as Christians subconsciously attribute pain and suffering to the devil, and pray or hope earnestly that God would defeat the enemy and deliver us? I can relate strongly when things do not go the way I hope it would. I am deeply saddened by the amount of violence to Scripture that is going on from the preacher's pulpit and from the cell leader's notes. I am grieved that church leaders pick and choose Scripture to justify the church's methodological demand of unquestioned submission to leaders. I am troubled that many Christians are unable to intellectually defend Scripture or a Christian worldview against the onslaught of the average postmodern young adult's worldview. I do not know what to do when I see worship leaders draw attention to themselves or just feed the crowd's desire to be entertained. I am frustrated that I do not yet know how to reconcile how blessed I was to receive the ministry of wonderful women cell leaders and teachers, and yet it seems that the reformed theologians make a better case for Complementarianism. I am conflicted as to whether the church should remunerate for services rendered. I am confused as to whether I should speak up of my deeply held convictions or keep silent so as not to come across as a brash smart alec out to show how smart he is.

Indeed it seems that my life is out of control, and the temptation is to seek to systematically bring everything under my power, in my little bubble of influence. O Lord help me see things from an eternal perspective, that I may live life having discovered, surrendered and accomplished your will.


From pages 34-36 of Breaking the Idols of Your Heart

Christians often ignore God's disruptions, attributing them either to Satan's assault or just to the way life is. We too quickly mask our frustration, saying something like, "Well, I may not know what is going on, but at least God does!"

We assume God will take care of those who pursue him. We find ourselves attracted to sayings like "the LORD does not let the righteous go hungry" (Proverbs 10:3 NIV) rather than to sad—but accurate—observation like the Teacher's:

The fastest runner doesn't always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn't always win the battle. People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a trap, people are caught by sudden tragedy (Ecclesiastes 9:11-12).

The Teacher does not even find comfort in the idea of an afterlife where God puts everything right. As he looks into the future, he cries out:

This, too, 1 carefully explored: Even though the actions of godly and wise people are in God's hands, no one knows whether God will show them favor. The same destiny ultimately awaits everyone, whether righteous or wicked, good or bad, ceremonially clean or unclean, religious or irreligious. Good people receive the same treatment as sinners, and people who make promises to God are treated like people who don't (9:1-2).

No wonder the Teacher concludes, again and again, that life is "like chasing the wind" (1:14 and many other verses). If we pay attention, we easily conclude the same. Even though we try hard, we can still feel we are groping in the darkness with no ultimate success.

People today spend a lot of physical, emotional and spiritual energy trying to control their schedules, jobs and relationships. We assume that the solution to our lack of control is to find new systems, new rules, new methods, new "laws" for doing things. We think that if only we have the right systems, we can control the chaos.

Our experience and the Teacher's observations deny this assumption. We need to turn from frenetically chasing control to something better. Under the sun, we chase control, but we discover it is as difficult to grasp as the wind. However, we can choose to move from an "under the sun" perspective to an "above the sun" one.

Let's take some time to explain this terminology, which will play such an important role in this book. We have already observed that the Teacher uses the phrase "under the sun" to describe life and
God. The Teacher himself never uses the opposite phrase. We are coining it to explain the opposite perspective. In other words, while the Teacher kept his search for meaning and truth utterly earthbound, we want to look at life from Gods perspective as he reveals it to us in his Word.

How do we move from an "under the sun" perspective to an "above the sun" viewpoint? The answer ... is simply this: "fear God and obey his commands" (12:13). Put God first in your life. If you want to find meaning and purpose in life, look at reality from God's perspective, not your own limited view.

Congregations get the preachers they deserve

Mark Ashton and C. J. Davis reflect on Archbishop Thomas Cranmer's impactful contribution of the "Book of Common Prayer," and how the Anglican church today should apply the principles which sanctioned its writing.

We are often taught that we are to search the scriptures like the the people of Berea "day after day to see if our teachers/pastors were teaching the truth" (Acts 17:11). The question we have to ask ourselves as teachers and preachers of God's Holy Scripture: are we guilty of responding with anger if our preaching/teaching is pointed out to be not in line with Scripture? Do we, in our defence, spiritualise matters and hide behind "God told me so?"

How do we inspire others to love or value authority of God's Scripture? Only when we ourselves have a deep reverence when we approach the text, and seek to impart this love for wholesome spiritual food. 

O Lord, grant us a desire to meditate upon and preach your words as sensitively to the ancient and contemporary contexts. Help us rely and submit to you Holy Spirit, so that we will not add or subtract to the words of your Holy Word. We ask you to empower us to point others to surrender their wills to yours and to enjoy you forever. For Jesus sake, Amen.


From Pages 99-100 of Worship by the Book

...the experience of listening to the Word of God being taught ... will be a participatory experience. This is not to say that there must always be questions or discussion groups, but Bible preaching is not like an academic lecture or a performance. The Bible's own imagery suggests that the meal table is a better analogy for the sermon than the school lesson as we sit listening to the Word of God and "feed" on it together. That is why it is so important that, if at all possible, the members of the congregation have the Bible text open before them. It is why the most encouraging sight to see, while listening to a sermon, is not the preacher passionately gesticulating in the pulpit, but other members of the congregation listening attentively and poring over their Bibles to see "whether these things [are] so" (Acts 17:11 NRSV). It is why the preacher must make it clear to his congregation from time to time that his role is to teach the Bible faithfully and that it is their responsibility to check that he is doing so, "weigh[ing] carefully what is said" (1 Cor 14:29). It is why a preacher needs to be prepared to apologize to the congregation when further attention to a passage leads him to the conclusion that he has misrepresented Bible truth in some way in a previous sermon.

There are few more encouraging noises for the preacher than the rustle of Bible pages among the congregation when he announces his text. He should draw comfort from that, more than from sounds of approval for what he is saying during the sermon. A faithful congregation will draw faithful preaching out of their pastor. Conversely, it is very hard to persevere as a faithful teacher of the Word of God to a congregation that does not want to have it taught to them. To some extent congregations get the preachers they deserve, because preaching is a two-way process: the attitudes of preacher and congregation must unite in a humble hunger for God's Word... What matters is that Jesus Christ should be present—and he will be if his Word is being heard and obeyed.